|What is my age:||I'm 37 years old|
Posted September 17, Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. Whether you have chosen to end your marriageor the decision was made by your spouse, it may be hard to imagine how your life will unfold post-divorce.
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Perhaps you are reeling with emotions like shock, dismay, griefand anxietyjust trying to survive each day. It is hard to think ahead to what comes next. I have found through my own divorce, and in talking with many divorcing clients, that it is impossible to imagine the losses you will experience or how deeply you will feel them.
Here are my top 10—and some thoughts Losing everything in divorce how to deal with them. Less time with your children if you have them is the biggest loss for parents. When you're not tucking them into bed every night, or sending them off to school with a kiss and a hug, your arms may ache for them. While you may have taken these little rituals for granted when they lived with you full time, now you treasure and appreciate the time they are with you.
You will probably feel lonely when they go to your ex, and this is painful. At the same time, many parents welcome the break to pursue other interests and relationships. When the kids are with you, you can focus on them more and perhaps even become a more attentive parent.
Over time, you will adjust to this, but it is painful for a while. Perhaps your relationship with your ex will ease so that you can eventually share important events, such as graduations or weddings, without tension.
One client struggled because she could no longer turn to her ex, a plumber, to fix a leaking toilet. It was a hard adjustment for me when I could no longer call my ex, a doctor, when I had a physical symptom. Another client was used to getting free legal and financial advice from her husband, but he was no longer interested in helping her out.
Over time, however, you find different resources and connections, become more independent, and develop new skills.
My broken heart became a gift
You experience the loss of shared history, traditions, and memories, like family trips or holidays. Perhaps your family had regular traditions such as camping in your favorite park every summer or celebrating Christmas with a trip downtown to see the lights.
You may find that you no longer feel able Losing everything in divorce do those things, as they are painful reminders of a past that you have lost. However, you can create new traditions and holiday celebrations. You may host Thanksgiving now, rather than always going to your in-laws. You may find a friend to go camping with you and discover new places to go.
It is not unusual for extended family members to side with their blood relation, no matter the circumstances of the marriage and divorce. It was surprising and hard for my client whose in-laws stopped talking with him when he thought they had been so close.
The cutoff was total, although the children continued to see their grandparents, and he supported that.
This is a situation when you recognize that you have no control over the decisions of others, and perhaps you will eventually forgive them. People you thought were good friends now may be awkward with you or perhaps avoid you. Sometimes a friend might intervene to try to fix your marriage or to offer well-intentioned advice you have not requested. You will see over time who your true friends are. They are supportive without being intrusive.
You can trust them not to gossip. Those are your real friends. Reach out to them for support and for social events. Remember: No one cares that there is a single person in the group. If shame is causing your discomfort, let that go and enjoy the independence.
Dealing with financial loss from divorce
You may have a financial loss, less money to live on, and less financial security. This causes a lot of anxiety when you wonder if you can ever retire, or if you will end up homeless on the street. You will have to adjust to living on a smaller budget and will become more conscious of where your money is going.
You might go back to work or increase your work in order to rebuild your sense of security.
It takes a while, but you may find that you enjoy your work, that you can live on less, and that your future begins to look less frightening. Women usually have a harder adjustment than men; the idea of returning to work can be daunting to someone who has been out of the workforce for some time. Moving out of a beloved home into a small, rented room is part of a big change in your standard of living. The home or apartment you lived in with your ex may have been created by you to be a welcoming and loving home, filled with Losing everything in divorce and reminders of good times.
Living in loss
Now you find yourself in a new place that does not carry the stamp of your personality. To make your new place a home, bring photos and personal possessions that will make you feel comfortable during the transition to singlehood. Give yourself some Losing everything in divorce to settle in, meet your new neighbors, and get to know your community.
You may have promised yourself you would never get divorced. Sometimes the loss of the hopes and dreams you once had feels overwhelming. One client said she had to let go of the old hopes and dreams in order to allow new ones to come to her. Time can heal this wound, as you come to accept your new reality.
When the bottom drops out: how losing my marriage made me more thankful
The losses you experience in divorce are unique to you. If you can acknowledge them, you are taking the first step toward healing.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes the tunnel is long and twisty, and you can't see the light yet. You can journal or express yourself in other ways, and seek counseling if you feel stuck.
Life will get better. Ann Gold Buscho, Ph. Ann Gold Buscho Ph. A Better Divorce. You didn't think it would hurt this month. You wonder if you will ever get used to the new reality. Divorce Essential Re. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even when you can't see it yet.
2. get copies of all your financial statements
One day, you will wake up feeling like yourself again. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today.
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